For Parents of Teens

I spoke to a mom recently at length regarding her adopted child. It was one of the situations where the agency did not inform the unsuspecting parent of the possible pitfalls due to the severity of the child’s background. continue

Would it not be great if you could choose the time and place of your next confrontation with your teen?

Here are just a few points of wisdom regarding conflict. When things don’t go as you know they should, and you find yourself in the middle of a great battle with your teen, and things are potentially careening out of control – stop. continue

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Much of the time we refer to this verse and think of the spiritual aspect of life, but the work ethic aspect found in this verse is important to God also. It is vital to teach your kids right from the beginning that work is a part of life. Performing daily mundane tasks such as cleaning a bedroom, doing the dishes, or taking out the garbage are part of each teenager’s work responsibility. The lesson underlying each task is the “invisible” lesson which helps develop the teenager’s character and prepares them for becoming responsible adults. continue

In order to effectively handle conflict as a parent, first, try your best to control your emotions while walking into the conflict; if you lose it, you lose all the way around. Now, I judge myself as a daddy of two girls, ages 16 and 12, knowing that it seems I miss it more than I hit the mark. Remind yourself that the conflict itself is good and not bad, though many times far from enjoyable. Most likely, your child knows where you stand on the issue and what the rule is.

An approach in a touchy situation would be to ask them why they feel this way. Let them talk and relay their opinion before you begin to reason; they want to be heard. You can pick the setting, whether over a cup of coffee somewhere or perhaps during a special lunch or dinner with just mom or dad. In your approach, remember that the main goal of this time with them is to build the relationship. continue

New Creations has developed a different method over the years regarding the therapeutic approach with teenagers. Many families have exhausted traditional clinical avenues of assistance unsuccessfully in igniting the potential of their child. Families have set their boundaries at home, worked with school counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and medications. These methods may have brought temporary results, but their impact was short lived. Most families who seek help outside the home with programs such as a therapeutic Christian boarding school have come to the conclusion that the traditional approach is not working. continue

Today, increasingly, parents deem it necessary to be “friends” with their children. This is dangerous in that the child still needs to be parented. I believe that the baby-boomer generation, which was our parents, sought to provide so intently that the relationship factor went out the window in many cases. Now here we are some decades past and yet we are still trying to make up for what our parents didn’t do, and the parent role now seems to be give, give, give and do. continue

At New Creations, our approach toward discipline never includes corporal punishment. Our approach is one that desires and actively seeks a relationship between the student and staff.

We utilize a privilege based system that has proven to be effective in a 24/7 setting such as ours at New Creations Boarding School. Students gain or lose privileges based on their behavior in conjunction with their current academic standing. Students who continually misbehave may be assigned additional chores while losing some of their privileges. Our discipline system uses a simple form of helping the student to see that their behavior directly affects their privileges.

Ultimately, we are working with each student on an ongoing, daily basis with the goal of seeing their hearts change in addition to the exterior motivators. With this approach, we do not demean the student for their behavior, but we do give consequences. This enables a relationship, and that is where everyone wins.

Parenting tough teens can be exhausting, and, depending on your personality, can take every ounce of energy.  In fact, your personality will determine the timing of the decision of placing your son/daughter into a boarding school.   You must enter into the situation positively.

When I speak with parents who are afraid of telling their student about placement, I suggest that they tell them (suggestively) during the time leading up to placement.  Be honest!  It seems that every time I have difficulty coming up with the right words to tell someone when it is a hard matter, I pray, and God, inevitably, says to tell them the truth and do so in love.  Do not threaten; if you have threatened them about placing them in a boarding school, then you’ll need to begin telling them that time is running out. continue

The story that I am sharing with you is about a young lady that is in our program now who has been in six different programs before coming to New Creations. At the age of three she was taken away from her parents, and, at the age of four, she was adopted into her family, but she just would not adjust into the family. The family loved her and wanted her, but she just wouldn’t cooperate in any way.

After they had placed her into five additional places and she had been kicked out of all of them, the parents were exhausted and had no idea what to do. So they got on the internet praying, asking God to please show them what to do. As they were looking through the internet they came across New Creations Boarding School, a ministry to youth ages 12-18, and as the mother was looking at the internet page she saw: “This is the place for your child”. She told her daughter about this and she felt this was a sign to her to place her daughter here. continue

When I first met “John,” he was struggling with his faith, and his expectations of the future. I was brand new to New Creations, but he had already been in the program for a period of time. I understand the discouragement kids go through. My prior years of ministry had shown me the brutality, and the nature of the enemy.

I believe with every fiber of my being, that John has been called by God. I know that God has a plan for John’s life. But I also know the devil desires to derail the life of an individual that God has chosen for His purpose. I have seen it again and again. Not just in ministry, but in my own life. continue